Advanced year 1 student, Suzie Yosef recently had a profound life-changing experience as a result of her TA training and we are delighted she has chosen to share her story in our blog.
I cannot find words for how grateful I am for Transactional Analysis because it has profoundly changed my life and enabled me to make a Redecision from when I was five years old. I find that when I digest and understand the theory, I can put it into practice and make real changes to how I view myself and others in the world.
When I was five years old, I had a traumatic experience at the dentist where I had four teeth removed. In order to get me through the ordeal, I asked my mum to promise me that she would get me a Popple toy to which she agreed. I remember it vividly as if it happened yesterday and the experience has been with me ever since sitting underneath the surface. I remember feeling bewildered, confused and not knowing what to expect. I was very scared. I remember walking with my mum to the dentist with my younger brother in the pushchair and remember every step I took to get there. I remember the dentist, the chair and my mother being in the room. As the dentist put the gas mask on me I held the Popple in my mind as I slowly fell unconscious. I still had the Popple in my mind as I resurfaced.
Time went by and there was no sign of my Popple. I think I reminded my mum but even then, still no sign of my favourite toy I had been promised. I internalised this and made a decision that I had been tricked, that people can’t be trusted and they don’t keep their promises. I also decided that if I wanted something then I had to make it happen for myself by myself.
What I didn’t realise is that this decision would affect the rest of my life leading into my adult years and I even replayed it unconsciously and married a man who couldn’t keep his word and constantly let me down. At the end of my marriage in 2017 the memory of not getting my Popple resurfaced. It upset me but I was quick to discount it and allowed my Critical Parent to ridicule me for even thinking about it.
Fast forward to 2022, now in my Advanced Year 1 of my TA training and having a better grasp of the theories I came to the realisation that I could make a Redecision. I attended a Redecision workshop as part of my CPD hours requirement and learned something I found quite profound. What I discovered was that in order to make a Redecision this needs to happen in our Child ego state. In order for our Child to do this, we need to cathect our Nurturing Parent ego state to give permission to our Child to make the Redecision. I journaled with myself and took myself back to the experience of when I was five years old and allowed myself to grieve. This release then gave me the capacity to look at the situation with more up to date information in my Adult ego state. In Adult I realised that I was five years old and my brother was two years old and at this age he had life-threatening asthma. My mum may also have been pregnant with my other brother so she would have had a lot on her plate and of course, extremely stressed out at having an ill child. She simply forgot and had no idea that she had let me down so badly. It was not her fault and looking at the evidence today she has never let me down and never would intentionally.
I cried a lot and allowed my Nurturing Parent to validate my experience without blame on my mother or myself. I was five and did not understand the full situation. As I journaled, I came to the realisation that I now had the option to either try to let it go or remind my mum about what she had promised me. I thought to myself ‘really? Can I ask her for it now? Thirty-three years later?’ and then I thought ‘well why not? I was brave at the dentist; my mum is still alive and I’m sure with the internet these days we can source my Popple!’ So, I gave myself permission to ask her for it.
I’m not going to lie in that it felt weird but at the same time, I knew deep down that I had to do this for myself in order to close the chapter of unfinished business from my childhood. As uncomfortable as I was, I chose to write a message to my mum explaining it all to her. In the end, I said to her ‘Mum can I please have my Popple now? I have waited thirty-three years so better late than never?’ I assured her that I knew she had a lot on her plate as a full-time mother back then with young children and that I didn’t blame her but that it also felt important to me that I get what I was promised. She responded immediately to me saying ‘of course you can have your Popple!’ and she apologised for letting me down back then. I instantly felt happy and elated and went straight onto Google to look for it. I sat for a moment as the results page loaded and closed my eyes to visualise the Popple I wanted and it came straight to me so I started looking for it. It was a matter of seconds before I found it on Etsy. I couldn’t believe it and to my amazement I also couldn’t believe what the name of that specific Popple was – ‘Prize Popple’! I quickly sent the link to my mum and I immediately saw it was in someone’s basket which made me even more excited because I knew it was my mum. She messaged me back to let me know it was on the way from Las Vegas. Vegas?! I love Vegas! What better place could this prize be coming from! We then had a joke about it needing a vaccine passport and having to quarantine on the way over!
This prize represents to me that I can get through anything. I can survive at the dentist and I can survive in life and I’m worthy of the prize that comes as a result of hard work and effort. I have also decided that nobody is allowed to touch or play with my Popple because it is my toy and the reason for this decision is in order to permit myself to have boundaries as well as being worthy of things.
I am sitting here today with my Prize Popple feeling very different about life so I just wanted to take the time to share my story and also gratitude to the field of Transactional Analysis and also to Physis. Since becoming a student at Physis I have been pulled, squeezed, stretched and pushed to my stretch zones. My life is changing in ways that I could never imagine and I will always be eternally grateful for this. So, thank you Physis. Thank you for taking me by the hand, guiding me, encouraging me and supporting me through this agony but profoundly life-changing journey.